The Weekly(ish) Update - Issue 0011

The Weekly(ish) Update
15th December 2009
Issue Eleven

It’s not about what I can get, it’s about what I can give…

I perhaps should have named this the monthy(ish) update, but the last few weeks I have been a little bit busy sorting out a few things in preparation for what will be a very busy 2010, which now is only a few weeks away.

Christmas just around the corner, and this year I am not having Christmas, well not in the same way I have come to think about Christmas, this year I will be at work again doing something I no longer enjoy, but doing it so that next year, and every other year after it, I hopefully do not have to do something I no longer enjoy ever again.

Last year was the first year I managed to spend a part of Christmas day with all three sides of my family, when I started in Wellington at my adopted parents, drove to Hamilton to spend a couple of hours in the afternoon with my birth father and his side of my family, then went to Auckland to spend a little bit of time that night with my birth mother and some of her side of my family, a day that was a little bit rushed, overwhelming, and yet allowed me to tick a big box on my life’s ‘To Do List’.

But that was last year, I am actually glad that this year is almost over, a lot of things happened this year that I have struggled to find sense in, things that took me from being very happy doing things I loved, to a place that I realise now I need to move through so that my life can now move forward, a place that I had been many times but thought I was moving away from at my own pace until I was forced to focus on it again, to have to make changes so I can be in no doubt simular things will never happen again, because all the signs were there I would slide back into being depressed again, so it has been a year of continuous change for me, a year where I managed to do enough to remain focused on my goals, but still another year I am happy to move on from, regardless of how I feel about events that happened within it.

I miss a lot of things in my life at the moment, things that next year I will again work hard on filling gaps in my life with that they have left at the moment, because as much as I need to move forward, and to continue to grow, I also need to feel I am doing all I can to hold on to what is important to me.

Until then I will continue to miss living in Australia, and my friends that I have not seen for ages, I will continue to miss moments shared with all of my family, travelling around New Zealand, meeting new people, and discovering new places, I will continue to miss learning, growing, and simply ‘being me’.

There is a plan, there always was a plan, a few goals I to work towards, and ultimately achieve, a list that is continuously added to, aimed for, and updated as I move forward. A list that includes simple, quick and easy to do things, and longer, more difficult projects, but everything is as important as the other, and makes so much more sense to my life once completed.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting, remembering moments in my life that at the time had little or no meaning, but things that I can now see how much they impacted on choices that were made, paths that were followed, and situations that I found myself in. My life has always been my own, but I have shared it with so many people, and not always done what was the right thing at that time, regardless of whether I knew differently or not in those moments.

Most of you would have heard of an old dead lady called Mother Teresa, who became famous for helping people, but unlike most famous people she never did any one thing that made her famous, she was just a really nice person who gave of herself continuously so that other people’s lives could be better, who is quoted as saying is ‘I have discovered the paradox that if you love until it hurts, then there is no longer hurt, but only love’.

What most people do not know about Mother Teresa is she actually doubted the existence of god (you can check this if you look at facts about her in letters that she wrote that are easy enough to find on the internet, Wikipedia for example has some honest facts about her), but the amazing part is she based her life on ‘doing god’s work’, which is a huge test of her faith, and yet she continuously lived what she believed until the day she died.

I have no idea what paradox means, I could look it up, but that is not the point, the point is that this little old dead lady discovered in giving, she received, that by doing what she thought was right, this little old lady found a place inside herself that allowed her to continuously give to others, because it was ‘right’, and sadly that is not something people know a lot about.

Everyone wants a fancy car, a flash house, pretty clothes and expensive shoes, everyone wants to be like the rappers in music videos, with all their ‘bling’ who continuously want to ‘slap their bitch’, or the corporate mogul whose only goal is to climb to the top of the money tree, at any ones expense, and I guess it is the same for an athlete who wants to be the best, or the team who want to win, everyone wants to be better than who they really are, everyone except those who give of themselves, regardless of what they believe, because it is right, just like a little old dead lady called Mother Teresa.

Now there is no way I’m about to compare myself to any one famous, there are thousands, if not millions, of people who are way more qualified to things for other people than I am, people who genuinely make differences in other peoples lives, but what I would like to do though is my part in making the world I live in a better place, feel like I have done something that means something to someone other than me, simply because I believe that it is the right thing for me to do.

This was reinforced last night when I was watching T.V and there was a family on the news who had two children, the first was diagnosed with type one diabetes, requiring him to injected himself regularly throughout each day with what ever it is they inject themselves with, at a young age, and at some point he admitted he felt hard done by, that it wasn’t fair, that was of course until his brother was found to have a rare form of cancer that they thought would be easily treated, which ultimately wasn’t, and he filled a large jar with well over one thousand of the various beads that patients receive for their treatments, before it eventually took his life just after his seventeenth birthday, and his brother was now ‘inspired’ to live each day to its fullest, whilst his parents stating that there was no cause for the illnesses, that their boys, like so many other people, were just unlucky.

In case anyone has missed the point of all this, I know how lucky I am, regardless of what has happened to me, because it is not about what I can get, its about what I can give.

Till soon.. Stay safe.. Be You!!!

.K

PS. If you guys get a few minutes please check out the website I have been working on, and offer advice, comments, or suggestions…

http://www.customvision.co.nz