9th November 2009
Issue Ten
It’s not about the bike…
“It’s not about the bike” is the title of a book written by American Lance Armstrong, a cancer survivor and the multiple winner of the Tour de France cycle race, who set up his Livestrong foundation to raise awareness, money, and support for cancer patient’s, and his book simply tells of his journey through that.
Cancer is a cruel disease, it can not only paralyse the carrier’s quality of life, but all those around that person who see it’s effect on someone they care about, it can kill quickly, or slowly and painfully, it can be found in anyone, at any age, at any time.
Strangely, I actually consider myself lucky to have had my life touched by a number of people who have lost, and won, their battles with cancer, because it makes me very aware of how lucky I am to be who I am, who I am through what I have seen and done, who I am through what I have seen in so many other peoples lives.
I have been a lot of places in my life, met a lot of people, done a lot of things, and I know that the point I am at in my life right now is a result of the journey I have been on, a journey that has taken me through a variety of good, and bad, situations, a journey that continues in the direction I choose for myself, because I have so many options, unlike so many others who are trapped within their circumstance, and individual situations.
For me ‘the bike’ is simply stuff I acquire and have around me, the material things that come and go in life, things that mean less to me than other parts of my life, and even though over the years I have learnt that sometimes these things can seemingly make life more comfortable in some circumstances, that in other circumstances trying to acquire them, and acquire some of what other people seemingly have, actually makes life more difficult, when the reality should be that we all have the means to be as comfortable as the next person if we only looked inside ourselves, lived our own lives to the best of our ability, instead of looking to things outside of us to make us complete.
I know a lot of people who have a lot of ‘things’, and I know a lot of people who seemingly have almost no ‘things’, and amongst both groups of people I know some of these individuals to be truly great people, people I aspire to be more like not because of the ‘things’ that they have, but because of who they are.
I believe that at separate points in our lives we all arrive at various crossroads, difficult choices we all have to make ultimately define us, choices that with hindsight prove to be pivotal points in our lives, and unsurprisingly most of us take a path that is easiest to travel, regardless of the amount of ‘things’ in our lives, most of us choose to be as comfortable as possible.
Being completely honest I am no different, most of my life I have taken the easy options, I have done things in my life that looking back on I can now almost see what would have happened if I had chosen to take another action, made another decision, and with hindsight I realise that choices I made allowed so many others to follow, taking me on a journey that has seen me do a lot of ‘things’, but nothing significant.
Part of me actually thinks I have done more harm than good in other peoples lives, that by not making good choices and standing up for those who are less fortunate than myself, regardless of what I think of my own life, that I have not impacted the lives of those around me in a way that inspires others to do simular things in their lives, but part of me knows that this is the same for most of us, as demonstrated occasionally in various random events that allow us to individually show our humanity together.
My journey has lead me here, the words on this screen are from me to myself mostly, a reminder of who I am, or perhaps want to be, but like I said in the first issue they are written with the intention to share my journey with all of the people I care about, with the people who are, and have been, a part of my journey, with you.
I think that most people on ‘the list’ this is sent to do not actually read everything I write here, which I realise is mostly because I tend to write a lot and everyone these days is so busy with their own lives that a considerable amount of effort would be involved in taking the time to share this with me, some might not understand it, others might even think I’m too crazy give that time to, but the few who I think do read all of it are very special people, people who are a greater part of my life than perhaps I give them credit for, than actually I know I don’t give enough credit to.
This is the tenth issue of My Weekly(ish) Update, a bit of a milestone really considering I am not great at being consistent with anything other than being inconsistent with everything. I guess that was one of the main reasons this ended up being called the weekly “(ish)” update, and issue ten, apart from the issue one, is the first significant milestone to have been reached.
In issue one I talked about what it was like to be in Wellington, how hard it was to be staying at my adopted parents place again, how little money I was earning, how much I missed the people I would visit regularly around New Zealand, and how bad I was at generally maintaining relationships.
Not a lot has changed, but I have achieved a lot since that first issue where I decided I would start my own business, Custom Vision, and I have made so many decisions towards achieving what it is that I want to do on the next part of my journey.
Something that I am unhappy about though is the fact that I want to be doing more, and I am not. I am doing a lot in theory but there is a lot more that I could be doing, I only have three months left before I leave Wellington, and a lot of things that I need to complete before I leave, I need to be ready, I need to be prepared to do the things I have planned and not simply stumble upon them as I have been doing.
My main focus must be setting up my website, completing more of my photography diploma, planning and preparing for the cycle tour, earning some money to pay my bills, and creating a plan to work towards over the next year and beyond, because everything else is a distraction, there are things that I must do in the next three months or else everything simply will not work as I intend it to.
I already know I need to do more than I am doing at the moment, I know that to do what I need to do I must not take easy options, I must work towards what I want, and thankfully I already know that I will receive very little support physically, simply because that is how it is for me where I am at the moment, I know that no one else will help me do what I need to do but me, and to do everything I must do I need to do it on my own, simply knowing that there are people out there who care about me, people who do love and want the best for me, who would help me if they were able to, is what I must use to motivate me to do everything I need to do.
I have used many excuses in my life to not be who I want to be, who I really am, excuses that effect others around me in various, and often harmful, ways. Throughout my life I have chosen to allow my situation to dictate choices I made, to allow ‘things’ in my life to dictate who I am, knowing full well deep down somewhere inside me that what I was doing was ultimately wrong for both myself, and those around me.
Sometimes it is not easy being me, or trying to be a better me, because sometimes I don’t like who I am, or the things that happen in my life, but I don’t think it is meant to be easy, and sometimes I guess I need to remind myself that for me my life is about more than just the ‘things’ in my life, that for me it’s not about the bike… it’s about the journey, and I want to thank all of you for being a part of that with me.
Till soon.. Stay safe.. Be You!!!
.K
PS. I managed to get myself into the city the other night to take photos of the fireworks display, I have included couple of the better ones that were taken, I hope you like them as much as I enjoyed taking them.
