The Weekly(ish) Update - Issue 0018

The Weekly(ish) Update
24th August 2010 - Issue Eighteen

Do you think I’ll meet a nice girl if I go to church?

“Faith is the only explanation I have for why I believe one person can make a difference. Hope is a definition I have to describe how I feel about the possibility one person is able to make that difference in the life of someone other than themself. Commitment is just one word that links Faith and Hope together”.

Things have stalled a little over the past week or so as far as getting my business up and running because I have distracted myself by setting up the flat I am in so that I am comfortable within its walls. In my spare time I have put photos up of friends and family on the window sills, collected various items of mine from around the country and arranged all the different pieces of my puzzle together, so now have myself firmly centred here in Hamilton.

I have been a little bit lonely though and so I have started to slowly but actively look for a lady friend, someone to not only snuggle up to at night, but also someone to share things with, someone to share life with seemingly like everyone else does, and last week this led me into a church for the first time ever by myself. The experience was a little strange, and it definitely took me out of my comfort zone, as the only other times I have been to church is for funerals, and the even rarer wedding in my life, but never by myself, and certainly never to ‘meet someone’.

In a weird way I think it is sensible to go to church to meet a nice girl, I think it will be more likely for me to meet a nice girl in church than it would be for me to meet one in a pub or somewhere else at the moment, especially since I now don’t drink, and no longer go out as often as I use to. I’m sure ‘God’ won’t mind.

Going to church came about because everyday on my way to work, and then again on the way home, I pass a church, and every day I was drawn to wonder what it was like inside. I have always had my own relationship with ‘God’, which I have always kept personal, something simply between me, and ‘Him’, well, up until now that is obviously.

I think that anyone who has been through as much in their life as I have personally believes in much more than themselves simply because their faith is often the only rational explanation for our lives and the content within them.

It is only since I have stopped drinking and made plans for my business etc that my life has become less of a rollercoaster and more of a journey, so everyday I would pass this place I would think about it more and more, until I eventually realised I would either have to go inside, or make the choice not to.

Before I began my bike ride around New Zealand I didn’t know I could complete it, shit, I didn’t even know why I was going to do it. I just knew that it was something that I had to do, something that would help me as much as it would help anyone else that was directly, or indirectly, a part of it.

I am sure that at some point I have mentioned that the original idea came from me sitting in front of the T.V watching a woman in Wellington jog 60km on her 60th birthday, and thinking to myself that if she could run that far at 60 years of age, then I should be able to ride my bike that far.

And that part is the truth, its just that the ‘idea’ came to me a lot quicker than I have previously suggested, the idea came to me so quickly in fact that for awhile I actually tried to not think about doing it because I thought the whole thing was crazy, a bit like me going to church.

You see I have had these ideas before, thoughts that just pop into my head that rationally not too many people would even consider, let alone actually do or try, but it seems I am a little different in this regard, because this is not the first time I have acted upon thoughts that have at the time seemed irrational, or thoughts that at the time I have considered a little weird, and yet it is these thoughts that have taken me places, physically, spiritually, and/or emotionally, that I would never have reached had I not extended myself beyond my comfort zone.

The idea for my bike ride came to me almost as a complete sentence. I just filled in the details and believed that no matter what happened I was doing something that was about more than just me. I have never mentioned this next part to any one before, but if I was to be completely honest, had I been killed by a car, or more likely one of those logging trucks, whilst I was riding my bike around New Zealand, I would have died happy because I was doing something I believe I was meant to do, because I listened to that voice in my head that told me what I thought I should do, regardless of how crazy it seemed.

I know I have not yet lived up to my full potential. I know I have ignored many of the thoughts that through out my life would have taken me further, but I also believe that whilst I am still alive I am still able to try to reach that potential, that it is never to late to try to be who I know inside myself that I am meant to be, that regardless of my present circumstances or situation, I still have the opportunity to live a life that satisfies who I am, and not who I pretend to be.

Sure living a life that is easy may be all fun and games, getting high and wasted may be the only seen option once trapped by drugs and alcohol, and that not remembering what we do is easier than remembering the details of where we each have been, than it is not easy to not use drugs and alcohol as a barrier, or remain sober, once you have been down this path.

It may be easier to make fun of someone less smart than you are, someone who does not have as much as you do, or is in some other way different to you, than it is to stand up for them, to give of yourself so that they may grow beyond anything they thought possible, and sure it may be easier to only put in sixty percent effort like everyone else does around you so not to stand out from the crowd, so that you fit in just like everyone else does, but I can tell you from experience that by taking the easy way out you are not actually living the life that you have been given, and you may never experience how good it really feels to be you. It may be easier, but that does not make it right.

We all have moments in our lives we will forever remember, instances that stand above all else in our minds for a variety of reasons, things that have directly or indirectly shaped who we are, in one form or another. These moments are life altering crossroads that if we sit and think about where they took us, the thought of where they could have taken us instead had we chosen ‘the other path’ becomes a part of the equation, and it is both of these options together that we must learn to understand, then use when we sum up the details of any event that has occurred in our life.

Some people may only have one or two of these ‘moments’ throughout their entire lifetime, some people may not have had any, and I would guess that one reason for that might be that in their lives ‘life’ has always been reasonably predicable, that their journey through life has always taken them where they expected to be, so thus nothing has leapt out and stood between where they were, and where they chose to be, who they chose through the choice of who to be.

And before we go any further please don’t think that I am saying that anyone who has not had to make a difficult choice in their life has not made the right choices, the point I am trying to make is that in life some people do have to make difficult choices, that those choices lead them towards, or away from, who they ultimately are trying to become, and at various points in a persons life we all will weigh up where exactly where we are on that journey in our own lives, whether we are failing, or on course to become who we should be, within the knowledge that also throughout our lives we adjust our own predetermined perception of who exactly that is going to be as we get older.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe everyone’s life is like mine and everyone else thinks like I do, maybe everyone’s life consists of series after series of choices that need to be made at the crossroads to truly be who they want to become, always looking for the next ‘intersection’ in life and understanding more and more as we get older the importance of each step taken towards, or away from, that person we want to be.

Maybe I am wrong and everyone thinks about the moments in their life that have involved someone else, moments that effect that someone directly through a course of action that we take, good or bad, and that someone comes to a crossroads in their path only because of something that has happened to them because of what I have done.

And within that what happens if I make the wrong choice, what happens to that person when they know the choice I made was wrong, but they still had to change their life because of my actions, whether they were prepared to or not.

I would like to think that everyone is like me, that the moments in their life that have had an effect on other people, usually people close to them but sometimes complete strangers as well, are moments that have also had an effect on my life, that my actions have led me somewhere and that the things I do are because they are who I am, that if I have made a mistake I act upon it, that if I have done wrong I either fix it or apologise for it, and when I do good I celebrate it, because my life is shared, it is not my own, and my life effects all those around me.

I have been extremely lucky to share a lot of very special moments in my life with a variety of people, some of those moments have been good, and others not so good, but all are a special part of my life because they all are a part of who I am, where I have been, and what I have done.

Over the past week I have seen how much my past means to me through the eyes of others, I have again seen how important the people in my past have been in my life, and yet it is only now that I realise that my past has not dictated who I have become, that perhaps I am who I have always been, and I would like to share this with someone.

And so I made the choice to go to church, and yes it was a little strange being in a room full of people praising ‘God’ by singing and waving their hands in the air, yes it was a little uncomfortable being in a room full of people who openly express what they believe together, and yes, I did try to fit in but only gave sixty percent effort in doing so, but I think I might go again…

…Do you think I’ll meet a nice girl if I go to church?

Till soon.. Stay safe.. Be You!!!

.K

Ps. I have added all previous “The Weekly(ish) Updates” to my blog, which you can get to easily via my website by simply ‘double clicking’ on the orange ‘B’ icon that appears on each page. Please feel free to look at it at your leisure and tell others about if you wish to. There is also links to Facebook and Twitter as well…

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