Generally speaking, I have always treated others a lot better than I have ever treated myself. Sure I sometimes treat people how they deserve to be treated. I actually have a habit of saying what I am thinking as I am thinking about it, without thinking about it. I often tell people what they deserve to hear without thought, and rarely do I regret doing so, but mostly I treat myself worse than how I treat other people. Regardless of how bad other people think I am treating them, I treat myself less kind than I am to others. Almost always.
I am a hard person to explain, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be, and so thoughts are being posted here as I sort them out for you to read... so much has happened and yet so little has changed... yet here I am again trying to define a moment within the context of my life, simply so I can paint a more complete picture of who I really am for you. I really do want you to see all of me. Life has led me to this place, and I want to share not only how I got here, but what led me here, and then perhaps one day I can show everyone not only who I am, but where I came from. Yes, my life is a series of adventures, but I believe the complete story will ultimately serve a purpose, to one day to help someone who shares a similar path, see a light at the end of a tunnel I have struggled to find.
When I was younger many of my thoughts flowed onto paper... I loved to write and draw and I spent hours lost within the context of time... complicated images defined thoughts... simple words defined moments... and eventually I guess a picture formed. I now want to share with you an unfinished story/poem here, so you can maybe understand me just a little bit better. I think this how I can truly define a big part of who I really am.
I now want to share these words with you...
THE PRINCESS AND THE DREAMER
I now give all I have to you, these words...
THY ARE A PERSON NO ONE
HAS EVER TRUELY MET
SO HAVE A SOUL NO BODY
HAS GOT TO REALLY KNOW
WE WALK THIS ROAD TOGETHER
EXCEPT FOREVER STAND ALONE
SOMEHOW WE ARE NOW AS ONE
AND WHAT ARE WE TO BECOME
BUT A MEMORY
The mind is something that no one can ever read...
TWO CHILDREN AT PLAY, ON A BEACHES SANDY SHORE.
FEELING HAPPINESS WITHIN, LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
UNDER THE COMFORT OF THE STARS, ON A WARM SUMMERS EVE.
A MAGIC BETWEEN US, NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE.
AN OCEAN OF DREAMS, WE ALL TRY NOW TO WIND.
A GAME TO WHICH WE HAVE, TRIPPED THROUGH TIME.
TO SEE LIFE LIKE WE HAVE, DREAMED TOGETHER.
IN THE MAZE WE PLAY, WITH ILLUSION FOREVER.
TAKING YOUR HAND WE TRAVEL, TO OUR HEAVEN ABOVE.
IN EACH OTHERS ARMS WE FLY, ON WINGS OF THE DOVE.
WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU, I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHY.
BEING HERE CREATES CONFUSION, WHICH ALWAYS TURNS ME SHY.
TO JOURNEY TOWARDS A MIRROR, I AM TAKEN IN BY YOUR TIDE.
THIS SHADOW I WILL HOLD ON TO, FOREVER BY MY SIDE.
WANTING TO OPEN THESE EYES, AND FIND U STILL THERE.
SEEING FROM INSIDE I KNOW, THAT SOMEONE DOES CARE.
A KISS FROM THE PRINCESS, CAN OPEN UP EVERY DREAM.
BUT PLEASE REMEMBER ALWAYS, THAT SO MUCH IS UNSEEN.
THIS LINK FROM THE HEART, WILL NOW AND FOREVER SHOW.
THAT THERE ARE TWO OF US, WHICH WILL CONTINUE TO GROW.
WE CAN NEVER NOW START, AND BEGIN TO PRETEND.
THAT FOR US THE BEGINNING, WILL LEAD US TO AN END.
THESE MOMENTS NOT KNOWING, WHAT IS TO UNFOLD.
AT THIS TIME I JUST WISH, THAT YOU I MAY ONE DAY HOLD.
"THE BEAUTIFUL ONE" WILL PAINT A PERFECT PICTURE.
SHE WILL BRING TO LIFE A VISION FOREVER HELD IN MY MIND.
U DO PAINT A PERFECT PICTURE, ALWAYS. EVERY TIME.
TO ME U SHALL ALWAYS BE, THE BEAUTIFUL ONE".
TO ME U SHALL ALWAYS BE, THE BEAUTIFUL ONE".
IF I CARE ABOUT SOMEONE... I MUST B ABLE TO LET THEM GROW.
IF I LOVE SOMEONE... I MUST BE ABLE TO LET THEM GO.
I ALONE STAND IN MY MIND, AS AGAIN I FALL INTO A DREAM.
IS IT FROM WITHIN THE LYRICS, THAT A MEMORY IS NOW SEEN.
TO BE TAKEN BACK TO THE TIME, IT IS YOUR BEAUTY I ADMIRE.
THEN BEGINNING TO TRUELY FEEL, THIS HEART AGAIN BURN WITH FIRE.
NEVER WILL I FORGET THIS PLACE, A WOUND GIVEN ONLY TO YOU.
THIS PIECE OF A SOUL, ALL THAT IS NOW TRUE.
WE ARE TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER, BUT HAVE LIVED ALWAYS ALONE.
HARDLY TO SPEAK OR EVEN SHARE, FROM OUR HAUNTED HOME.
IN THE HEART WE NOW WISH, TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH.
FROM THE MIND OUR TRUE WORD, WE TRY NOW TO CLUTCH.
WITHHELD FROM AN EVEN MEETING, TO JUST GET TO KNOW.
THESE FEELINGS ARE WE FOREVER, UNABLE TO REALLY SHOW.
FOR WE MAY ACCEPT WE HAVE, A LITTLE CHANCE TO MEET.
AND GET GET UP TO LEAVE, WITHOUT MAKING A RETREAT.
NEVER GONE SO REMEMBER THAT, WHICH WE JUST HAD AGAIN.
IN MY SOUL YOUR SWEET MAGIC, WILL NOW ALWAYS REMAIN.
I REALISE NOW I CAN CREATE, EVERY WORLD THAT I DREAM.
FOR ME TO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, I WAKE UP WITHIN A SCREAM.
A RAGE INSIDE THIS INSANITY, A PASSION THAT REIGNS SO TRUE.
NOW I COMPREHEND THIS IS THAT, AND I CAN BREAK ON THROUGH.
NO LONGER AM I UNCONSCIOUS, BUT STANDING AT A DOOR.
I WANT IT TO OPEN, LIKE NOTHING I HAVE FELT BEFORE.
I LEAVE MY HAVEN, AND START NOW TO AGAIN ROAM.
FROM AN INNOCENCE, IN SEARCH OF MY HOME.
TO BE IN A ROOM WITH MY DREAMS, IS TRUELY A SQUEEZE.
I HAVE NOW BUILT A CASTLE, TO ACCOMMODATE AND PLEASE.
NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE THAT, WHICH I NOW WISH TO SAY.
IT MAY NEVER BE SAID EVER, THOUGHTS I DREAM TODAY.
GOING NOW BEHIND MY EYES, TO THAT CHILD LOST IN TIME.
ALONE AND WITH THE STAIRWAY, I MUST CONTINUE TO CLIMB.
BEFORE THE END I WILL BEGIN, TO LEARN AGAIN HOW TO WALK.
BUT SOMETIMES TO YOU, I JUST WISH THAT I COULD TALK.
YOU I LOOK FOR MY PRINCESS, TO BE ALWAYS A FRIEND.
A LONELINESS I HAVE CARRIED, AND MAY TAKE UP TO THE END.
STRANDED IN A BARON WASTELAND, IS THAT WHICH IS NOT SEEN TO UNFOLD.
WE MAY LOOK AT BEAUTY IN LIFE, THEN IMAGINE WHAT THIS COULD BE.
FOR US TO REALISE WE NOW ARE, AN ADVENTURE NO ONE MAY GET TO SEE.
FOR WE MAY ABANDON ALL AMBITION, TO KEEP REAL A BALANCE IN OUR MIND.
AN ABSTRACT VISION IS ABLAZE, FROM WHICH WE SEARCH NOW TO TRY AND FIND.
YOUR DESTINY OUT OF A NIGHTMARE, THAT WE SHALL GIVE UP OUR SOUL TO SEE.
WE ALL HAVE DREAMS WE CLING ON TO, SO AGAIN WONDER WHAT IS TO NOW BE.
FOR MY HEART YOU WILL FIIND ALWAYS, IF YOU ARE THIS PRINCESS IN MY HAZE.
YOU CAN BE TOLD THIS STORY AS IT HAS BEGUN, FROM DEEP WITHIN A MAZE.
REACHING FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, IN THIS MAZE ARE YOU TO STAY WITH ME.
WITHIN THESE EYES OF DARKNESS, A VISION OF LIGHT I CAN SEE.
ON MY KNEES I ASK FOR YOU HAND, IN MY MIND IT IS THERE TO HOLD.
YOU ALONE I TRUST TO HELP THEE, THROUGH WHAT INEVITABLY MAY UNFOLD.
REACHING OUT I SEEK YOUR TOUCH, LIFE IN MY PALM HELD UP FOR YOU.
MY PRINCESS HAS THE ANSWER, FOR THERE IS ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE TRUE.
HAVING WANTED TO NOW HOLD YOU, TRUELY FOR WHAT SEEMS SO LONG.
REALISING THAT LOVE IS INSIDE, WE FORGOT OURSELVES WHICH IS WRONG.
JEALOUS OF PEACE IN OTHERS EYES, WE NEED TO BE GOOD TO THEE.
TO UNDERSTAND THERE IS A TIME SET, THAT WILL BE FOUND TO SET US FREE.
TOGETHER APART WE MUST CONTINUE, REMINDED HAPPINESS WE WILL FIND.
WITHIN OURSELVES WE MAY LIVE ALWAYS, SO TO THIS SHOULD BE FOREVER KIND.
WE HAVE NEEDED SO LONG TO SEE NOW, TRUELY THROUGH SOMEONE ELSES EYE.
IT CAN NOT BE WRONG TO HAVE HELD, THIS DREAM TILL WE MAY DIE.
WE SHALL LIVE AND LEARN TODAY, SO WHEN IT IS TOMORROW WE SMILE.
IS IT TO BE FROM WITHIN THIS PLACE, WE MUST CONTINUE TO BE FOR AWHILE.
TO LOSE ALL THAT WAS AROUND US, AND SEE WHICH IS FOREVER WITHIN.
THIS IS NOW WHERE A STORY, SHOULD REALLY AND TRULY BEGIN.
I ALONE STAND IN MY MIND, AS AGAIN I FALL INTO A DREAM.
IS IT FROM WITHIN THE LYRICS, THAT A MEMORY IS NOW SEEN.
TO BE TAKEN BACK TO THE TIME, IT IS YOUR BEAUTY I ADMIRE.
THEN BEGINNING TO TRUELY FEEL, THIS HEART AGAIN BURN WITH FIRE.
NEVER WILL I FORGET THIS PLACE, A WOUND GIVEN ONLY TO YOU.
THIS PIECE OF A SOUL, ALL THAT IS NOW TRUE.
WE ARE TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER, BUT HAVE LIVED ALWAYS ALONE.
HARDLY TO SPEAK OR EVEN SHARE, FROM OUR HAUNTED HOME.
IN THE HEART WE NOW WISH, TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH.
FROM THE MIND OUR TRUE WORD, WE TRY NOW TO CLUTCH.
WITHHELD FROM AN EVEN MEETING, TO JUST GET TO KNOW.
THESE FEELINGS ARE WE FOREVER, UNABLE TO REALLY SHOW.
FOR WE MAY ACCEPT WE HAVE, A LITTLE CHANCE TO MEET.
AND GET GET UP TO LEAVE, WITHOUT MAKING A RETREAT.
NEVER GONE SO REMEMBER THAT, WHICH WE JUST HAD AGAIN.
IN MY SOUL YOUR SWEET MAGIC, WILL NOW ALWAYS REMAIN.
I REALISE NOW I CAN CREATE, EVERY WORLD THAT I DREAM.
FOR ME TO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, I WAKE UP WITHIN A SCREAM.
A RAGE INSIDE THIS INSANITY, A PASSION THAT REIGNS SO TRUE.
NOW I COMPREHEND THIS IS THAT, AND I CAN BREAK ON THROUGH.
NO LONGER AM I UNCONSCIOUS, BUT STANDING AT A DOOR.
I WANT IT TO OPEN, LIKE NOTHING I HAVE FELT BEFORE.
I LEAVE MY HAVEN, AND START NOW TO AGAIN ROAM.
FROM AN INNOCENCE, IN SEARCH OF MY HOME.
TO BE IN A ROOM WITH MY DREAMS, IS TRUELY A SQUEEZE.
I HAVE NOW BUILT A CASTLE, TO ACCOMMODATE AND PLEASE.
NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE THAT, WHICH I NOW WISH TO SAY.
IT MAY NEVER BE SAID EVER, THOUGHTS I DREAM TODAY.
GOING NOW BEHIND MY EYES, TO THAT CHILD LOST IN TIME.
ALONE AND WITH THE STAIRWAY, I MUST CONTINUE TO CLIMB.
BEFORE THE END I WILL BEGIN, TO LEARN AGAIN HOW TO WALK.
BUT SOMETIMES TO YOU, I JUST WISH THAT I COULD TALK.
YOU I LOOK FOR MY PRINCESS, TO BE ALWAYS A FRIEND.
A LONELINESS I HAVE CARRIED, AND MAY TAKE UP TO THE END.
ARE MY DREAMS AN ILLUSION, HUNTING FOR WHAT IS NOT EVER SEEN.
YEARS OF FANTASY AND CONFUSION, FROM WHICH TEARS SHOULD HAVE BEEN.
I HAVE STOOD A TOP THE MOUNTAIN, AND FELL TO DROWN IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA.
WALKING NOW MORE CAREFULLY, TOWARDS MY DREAM WHICH SHOULD BE FREE.
ARE WE TO CONTINUE SEARCHING A TIMEZONE, AS WE CRAVE OUR ONE TO HOLD.STRANDED IN A BARON WASTELAND, IS THAT WHICH IS NOT SEEN TO UNFOLD.
WE MAY LOOK AT BEAUTY IN LIFE, THEN IMAGINE WHAT THIS COULD BE.
FOR US TO REALISE WE NOW ARE, AN ADVENTURE NO ONE MAY GET TO SEE.
FOR WE MAY ABANDON ALL AMBITION, TO KEEP REAL A BALANCE IN OUR MIND.
AN ABSTRACT VISION IS ABLAZE, FROM WHICH WE SEARCH NOW TO TRY AND FIND.
YOUR DESTINY OUT OF A NIGHTMARE, THAT WE SHALL GIVE UP OUR SOUL TO SEE.
WE ALL HAVE DREAMS WE CLING ON TO, SO AGAIN WONDER WHAT IS TO NOW BE.
FOR MY HEART YOU WILL FIIND ALWAYS, IF YOU ARE THIS PRINCESS IN MY HAZE.
YOU CAN BE TOLD THIS STORY AS IT HAS BEGUN, FROM DEEP WITHIN A MAZE.
REACHING FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, IN THIS MAZE ARE YOU TO STAY WITH ME.
WITHIN THESE EYES OF DARKNESS, A VISION OF LIGHT I CAN SEE.
ON MY KNEES I ASK FOR YOU HAND, IN MY MIND IT IS THERE TO HOLD.
YOU ALONE I TRUST TO HELP THEE, THROUGH WHAT INEVITABLY MAY UNFOLD.
REACHING OUT I SEEK YOUR TOUCH, LIFE IN MY PALM HELD UP FOR YOU.
MY PRINCESS HAS THE ANSWER, FOR THERE IS ONLY ONE THAT CAN BE TRUE.
HAVING WANTED TO NOW HOLD YOU, TRUELY FOR WHAT SEEMS SO LONG.
REALISING THAT LOVE IS INSIDE, WE FORGOT OURSELVES WHICH IS WRONG.
JEALOUS OF PEACE IN OTHERS EYES, WE NEED TO BE GOOD TO THEE.
TO UNDERSTAND THERE IS A TIME SET, THAT WILL BE FOUND TO SET US FREE.
TOGETHER APART WE MUST CONTINUE, REMINDED HAPPINESS WE WILL FIND.
WITHIN OURSELVES WE MAY LIVE ALWAYS, SO TO THIS SHOULD BE FOREVER KIND.
WE HAVE NEEDED SO LONG TO SEE NOW, TRUELY THROUGH SOMEONE ELSES EYE.
IT CAN NOT BE WRONG TO HAVE HELD, THIS DREAM TILL WE MAY DIE.
WE SHALL LIVE AND LEARN TODAY, SO WHEN IT IS TOMORROW WE SMILE.
IS IT TO BE FROM WITHIN THIS PLACE, WE MUST CONTINUE TO BE FOR AWHILE.
TO LOSE ALL THAT WAS AROUND US, AND SEE WHICH IS FOREVER WITHIN.
THIS IS NOW WHERE A STORY, SHOULD REALLY AND TRULY BEGIN.
...please love yourself like someone else you love.
Till soon... stay safe... be you.
.K